


La Carbonilla

by TheBoneWitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Cinderella AU, Cute, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, One Shot, POV Remus, Pirate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23977408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBoneWitch/pseuds/TheBoneWitch
Summary: Tonight was the night. Tonight was the heist.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 57





	La Carbonilla

"Once 'pon a time, there was a prince and a pirate," One of the ship boys giggled as he brushed the dirt off of Sirius's new shoes. "And even though the pirate taked' everything the 'ovely littl' prince had, they still lived 'appily ever after," he sang.

"Oh shut it," Sirius scolded, smacking the boy in the back of the head.

Tonight was the night. Tonight was the heist.

७

"If ya fidget wit' them bloody lapels 'gain, Imma shoot ya in the leg," Osbert hissed in Sirius's ear as he streaked passed, an etched silver platter piled high with black caviar. He never thought he would ever see the old syphilitic seadog so clean. Sirius was confident in his conclusion that Osbert looked ridiculous, all coiffed and polished and shiny, all he wanted to do was laugh at the old fool, but he knew what he looked like too.

Fighting the urge to stick out his foot and trip him, Sirius straightened his gloves. He didn't want to wear the bloody things anyway, but the gentlefolk don't have calluses from manual labor, and tonight, he was a gentleman. 'Savage' Sirius Arguijo was no longer a pirate. For the night, he forgot the high seas and the joys of plundering. Now he was Lord Sirius Arguijo, a promotion that he had no desire to have. He had snatched his invitations from the poor lord, right out from under his nose at a bazaar in a shipping port in La Coruña. He should have known better than to flirt with a pirate.

There was a job to do now, he could complain about Osbert putting him in a proper jacket and  _ shoes  _ later.

The plan was simple, but the further that Sirius walked into the castle, the less faith he had in Captain's optimism. Guards dressed in pressed scarlet fatigues were everywhere, their sharp bayonets catching the light of the chandelier and reminded him that they would be more than willing to find a home in his guts. Sirius swallowed his anxiety.

The flow of people pushed him deeper into the palace, passed the overstuffed velvet furniture, solid gold sconces with flickering candlelight, ornate sculptures of people that Sirius didn't care about, and the paintings. Oh, the  _ paintings _ . Art was limited when you live your life covered in sea spray and rum and other questionable things, the sunsets offering the best paintings, but these came in a close second. He had to pretend that these canvases didn't catch his attention, that the blood on the war paintings didn't look like it would drip out of the frame, or how the portrait of the little golden-haired girl didn't look like she would start giggling at any second. 

The strum of a harp announced that he was getting closer to the ballroom, but also closer to people that would have a better chance at snuffing out the fact that he was a far cry from the aristocracy. He adjusted his cream-colored overcoat and tried not to think about what his body would look like hanging from the Tower of London when he was inevitably caught for what he was about to do.

The man checking the invitations was small and weasely, his beady eyes scanning Sirius's paper and hardly sparing him a glance before ushering him into the room. Thankfully, the lord that he was impersonating was not important enough to have his own announcement into the ballroom.

Sirius wove his way through the swirling satin dresses and men in expensive frock coats, he passed tables laden in towers of decadent food, enough to feed the whole navy and their horses. Having lived on nothing but weevily biscuits and rum since they had left Spain three weeks prior, the mounds of lamb and golden custard topped with what he thought  _ might  _ be an orange, were calling his name. He steeled himself and walked passed it, and his stomach started to cry because of it.

Finally, after weaving between women with enough powder on their faces that they very well might be mistaken for a specter and men whose shoe buckles down right gleamed, he had made it to the royals. There were four of them, King Nathaniel, Queen Beatrice, Prince Aloysius Gaius, and Princess Aurelia. The princess was hardly eleven years old, but Sirius could see the fire in her eyes from where he stood forty feet away. She was fanning herself with a lace fan and glaring at her mother, who was giggling at something that a man in a luxurious blue suit was saying. Her tittering chortle trilled through the room, her entourage laughing too. Their throats gleamed with jewels, rubies, sapphires, emeralds. The king, a portly old man, was eating something that smelled heavenly off a tray that being held by a servant.

The Prince stood off to the side, fussing with the cuffs on his coat while frowning at his guffawing mother. He was the whole reason that Sirius was sent into the castle as a noble, and not as the serving folk like Osbert and a few other crewmates. This required a different approach.

It was a rare opportunity to find the Prince so alone, not surrounded by a gaggle of his lofty, affluent friends or doting aristocrats. So Sirius snagged two flutes of champagne that was being carried by a servant and approached the Prince.

"Good evening, Your Highness," Sirius said as properly as he could, taking a bow without spilling the champagne. Though he was born and raised in Spain, he had spent the last six years on a pirate ship, and it was safe to assume that has grammar had suffered because of it. The only thing he didn't have to fake was the accent.

Prince Aloysius Gaius nodded to him, acknowledging his presence. He was adorable and delicate in the worst way, the way that would make everyone undermine him and question his authority from now until the end of his reign.

"Champagne?" Sirius politely extended his arm.

"Yes, thank you," Aloysius Gaius took the flute and drank it all in a single gulp. Sirius felt his eyebrows arching on their own volition.

"If I may be so bold as to ask, are you having a rough night?" He asked, taking a sip of his own glass. It was nothing like rum or even ale. It fizzed in his mouth, and he fought to swallow it. He wasn't sure why it was such a challenge, he had swallowed a lot worse. 

The Prince looked at him,  _ really _ looked at him, and frowned. "Why would that be of interest to you?" His perfectly curled honey brown hair moved while he had flicked his eyes over the pirate.

Sirius backed off immediately, raising his hands to pacify. "I meant no disrespect, your Highness, I was just ready to lend a friendly ear is all,"

The Prince's whole body sagged down with a sigh, his wide blue eyes closing for a second.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, I just don't really enjoy these types of gatherings,"

"Royal balls?" Sirius asked, stepping closer, liking the way the chandelier light hit the princes' freckles. 

"People, in all honesty," he replied, glancing wistfully at Sirius's still full flute of champagne.

"A Prince that doesn't like lavish social gatherings that everyone fawns and cooes over him and kisses his fancy shoe buckles,  _ whatever  _ do you mean?" Sirius joked slyly, finishing off his drink. It tasted poor, but by God, he needed the bravery.

From the corner of his eye, he saw the prince's cheeks turn pink. He smirked, internally congratulating himself. He just made the future king of England flush with embarrassment.

"And what was your title again?" Aloysius Gaius asked, turning to face him, eyes scanning his attire. Sirius drew himself up to his full height and bowed with gusto.

"Lord Sirius Arguijo the second, a pleasure to meet you, Prince Aloysius Gaius,"

"Don't call me Aloysius Gaius," he crinkled up his button nose. "I hate it when people call me that,"

"It's your name," Sirius observed, his amusement growing. He hadn't planned on genuinely liking the Prince, but it was hard not to when he made that  _ darling  _ face.

"Yes," He flushed again, to Sirius's delight. "But I still don't like it,"

"What do you want me to call you? Prince? Sire? _His_ _royal_ _majesty_?"

"Aurelia calls me Remus, and I suppose since you brought me champagne, you can call me that too," He said briskly as if he hadn't just given one of his lessers permission to call him by his first name, sans title.

"Remus," He tried out the name in his mouth, and the Prince beamed at him, perfect lips parted for perfect teeth. "I've got to say, it's better than Aloysius Gaius,"

"Do your friends have a name for you, instead of Lord Sirius Arguijo?" he asked lightly, obviously enjoying the company of someone that wasn't vying for his favor. If Sirius didn't know any better, he'd think he was flirting. 

"Some call me ' _ Savage _ ,'" he said and immediately wanted to suck the words back into his mouth. That was definitely  _ not _ something that nobility called each other. He had earned the nickname, and he was viciously proud of it too, he had won a tavern brawl with a Cilician and was later dubbed _ 'Savage Sirius' _ by his crewmates. He had the scars to prove it.

"What sort of name is  _ 'Savage? _ " questioned a dainty voice, and they both whirled to see Princess Aurelia, still aggressively fanning herself. She was squinting at the pirate, and he was momentarily afraid that she might see straight through the disguise with her sharp blue eyes.

"Are you some sort of rabid dog?" She snapped.

"No, it's a joke with my friends, nothing to worry about," He mended the conversation with a quick lie, and though she didn't press it any further, her scrutiny didn't waver until she started complaining to her brother.  _ She will make a great queen, _ he said to himself.

"If I have to hear mother bleat like a goat at another foreign dignitary on father's behalf while he stuffs his face in the corner, I will positively  _ hang _ myself," she blustered. Remus gasped.

"Aurelia, that is no way to speak in front of a guest, apologize at once," He admonished.

"His friends call him 'Savage,' I think he can handle this conversation," she grumbled, elbowing her brother in the side.

From outside, the bells chimed that it was nine o'clock. That gave Sirius three hours to get what he was looking for and get out to the marina. Time to get back to work.

७

Though his target was the prince, he couldn't be a monkey on his back for the whole night, so he made his way around the dance hall, seducing the rings off of the plump fingers of the rich, whispering in sweet nothings into ears while pulling out earrings, snipping pearls off of embroidered skirts. It was the most complex game of pickpocket he had ever played. It surpassed the time in Morocco that he snuck his way into a brothel and robbed the head Madam blind while she was still in the room,  _ busy _ with a rather respected priest.

His pockets were heavy with jewels from the plush bosoms of blushing dames, cufflinks tucked into his boots, plucked from 'gentlemen' with wandering hands that always seemed to seek out his ass no matter who the company was. This would have been fun if the soldiers weren't ten feet away at all times, waiting for a reason to fight.

He felt himself gravitate back towards the prince no matter what he tried, never trying to catch his eye but always doing it anyway. He was always swamped with people around him, competing for a shred of his attention. Sirius would not start a fight over the prince's affections, because he knew the prince would choose him every time. Sirius would quirk up his eyebrows from across the room, silently asking the prince his opinion about whoever was trying to talk to him. Every single time, Remus would minutely shake his head and frown, telling him that the woman in his arms was no good. 

This was supposed to be a production, a night of make-believe, and lies, but Sirius found himself genuinely looking forward to the next moment that he might catch his eye and make him smile. This was not a good sign, considering he was a pirate who was in possession of enough stolen gold and precious gems that he would be hanged thrice if he could.

७

"Oh, you absolutely cannot miss the band that is going to play in an hour, they are delightful. We had them brought all the way from France to play tonight,"

"I knew someone from France once," Sirius commented, fighting the squirm in his stomach that told him to take notice of how well their arms fit together. It made him crave to know what else is theirs might fit together so well. It was a pure enough action, and Remus lent his amity like Sirius had never experienced before. 

"Oh? Would I know them?" Remus looked at him, with such an innocent look on his face it made Sirius feel like he was tarnishing him by holding his hand, almost enough so that he nearly dropped it.  _ Almost _ .

"Likely not," he admitted, considering that person in mind was a connoisseur of fine, albeit  _ illegal _ , arts and gems. He was the reason that Sirius was standing where he was, the old scoundrel. He said that the one of a kind roman necklace owned by Crassus himself resided around the neck of the crown prince of England.

"Well, you'll have to introduce me someday," he patted Sirius on the arm in a reassuring sort of way, as if the thought that they would never see each other again hadn't ever crossed his mind.

"Are you saying that you want me to take you to  _ Paris _ ?" Sirius teased, deflecting the wilting feeling in his heart that came with the thought of leaving him behind. He was rewarded when Remus's face turned bright red.

"What? No, I didn't say Paris, stop putting words in my mouth," 

Sirius let himself laugh so that he wouldn't end up asking what he  _ could _ put in his mouth. The options in his head sounded absolutely divine. 

From across the silk-lined tables practically overflowing with no less than seven stuffed geese, Osbert caught his eye. The once scraggly pirate was clean-shaven, but he still looked out of place among the other mousy servants. He nodded to Sirius, silently reminding him that there was a job to be done and that this wasn't a night for games. Sirius wanted to turn his pockets inside out and show the old fool that wasn't backing out of a job, but Remus started talking again.

"So Lord Arguijo, if we are to get separated, will you come to find me in an hour to listen to the French band play?"

"In an hour, you said?" Sirius tore his attention away from Osbert. Remus nodded, fingers tapping against Sirius's arm.

"I'm dreadfully sorry to tell you, but at twelve bells I must be off,"

"Oh?" Remus asked, not able to hide his displeasure so well that Sirius couldn't see it "What would happen if you stayed until after twelve? Would your clothes turn to rags? Or maybe you would turn into someone that I wouldn't recognize?" He teased.

"You have no idea how right you are," Sirius grumbled.

७

The night drifted around them, colored in gold, and it rang with laughter. They swirled through the room, fingers locked together, hearts soaring. Remus didn't question why Sirius, a lord, didn't know the steps to the waltz and all of the other appropriate dances a man of his status should know, and he didn't question the scar that lived on his throat where a sleazy Italian had almost got the drop on him. Guilt wormed its way into Sirius's stomach while he took every ounce of gold off of the prince at each rotation around the room. It was no accident that the two of them ended up on the balcony. He needed to get that necklace, and what he was about to do was  _ improper _ to say at least.

"Do you ever crave adventure, Sirius?" He asked, leaning up against the railing. It was much quieter out here, and the sudden change in noise had Sirius on edge. Fields of perfectly trimmed lawn spread out before them. Harp music floated out into the night air.

"Do you?" he rerouted, not having to move closer because Remus was already there, shoulders pressing together. It was cloudless out, and the moon was full.

"Every time I look at the ocean," he sighed, eyes on the horizon. Just beyond that line laid  _ La Carbonilla _ , and Sirius desperately wanted to tell him about the wonderful life he would live on that boat, that no day would be lived without a quest. But he was kept here by more than just the castle walls.

Remus blushed when he caught Sirius staring at him. "Oh sorry, I'm sure that you don't want to hear about me wishing to be a lowly navy soldier instead of a prince,"

Sirius only wanted to listen to his dreams for the rest of his life, but he couldn't put that into words.

He could see the glint of gold under his cravat, and he knew in his gut that it was the roman necklace. His fingers were so close.

If this had been anyone else, he would be kissing them into oblivion and stealing every ounce of gold and silver they had, but somehow, it was different this time. For once, he wasn't kissing someone to steal something, he was stealing something to kiss someone. 

It was new and terrifying, and it made it all the sweeter. And even though champagne was an acquired taste, he figured that he had acclimated just fine.

Remus melted against him, fingers curling into his expensive lapels. He didn't kiss as Sirius had expected him too. He kissed like someone who had never known the concept of time. It was just them. Not a prince and pirate, two people who figured that this was better than drowning.

The clocktower, the worst wingman in the world, screamed at him to leave. The first clatter of the bell almost scared him out of his skin, and the second had him pulling away from a somewhat confused Remus.

"It's just the bell," He said, reaching out for him again. His blue eyes were sparkling, lips a bit swollen and red that made Sirius's heart beat painfully in his chest. 

"I know, I uhh, I have to go now,"

"But," Remus didn't have a reason for him to stay, not really, but he wanted him to nonetheless.

"I'm so sorry, Remus, I really am," He said as he jumped up on the railing of the balcony, sliding over to the other side and quickly lowering himself down the overgrown trellis full of pergolas. He didn't have the necklace, but he couldn't make himself take it. 

"Be careful," Remus scolded, and upon realizing that Sirius wasn't going to stop or slow down, he took off back into the ballroom to go down the stairs, like a  _ gentleman _ .

~0~

The night sky stretched on forever, over the castle and across the sea. Sirius loved the stars and constellations, he had no trouble finding the blinking north star and Orion's belt. He was particularly fond of that story.

"So you're just going to seduce me, rob me and leave, that was your whole plan?" Remus shouted as he followed him down the outside palace steps, the light of the ball pouring out over the stones. He had almost lost him in the time that it took to get down from the second floor.

"Wait, you knew about that?" He nearly stopped running when he heard it.

"Maybe you aren't as good of flirt as you think you are," He snapped, no doubt angry enough that his cheeks would be as red as his rage. The thought made Sirius feel hollow. 

"I have to go," Sirius called back, stopping but still knowing better than to turn around. But he couldn't just walk away without saying anything.

"Go where, Sirius?"

"I just have to go, alright?" His legs were longer, and his stride was more sure after half a decade of walking on a ship, but Remus still somehow caught up with him.

Sirius had wrangled himself into many fistfights in his day. He had won and lost, had been hurt and hurt other people, he had slipped from the grasp of angry men twice the size of Remus, but when he caught his arm, he couldn't make himself rip free.

So he stood there, pockets stuffed with the royal family's precious gems and at least three expensive buttons from three different nobleman's coats, and Remus's fingers wrapped around his wrist.

"Sirius, please," He whispered, so close to begging that the pirate felt his resolve chipping. "Stay. I'll figure out a way that you won't get in trouble for stealing, we'll figure out a way, just stay. Please,"

"I can't, I have to go, Remus. You really don't want someone like me around," he admitted, knowing that if he turned around and looked at the prince, he would want to stay.

It would be so easy to break the hold the prince had on him, Remus was royalty and had never been a part of any sort of physical altercation before, except for whatever beatings that Aurelia seemed to find necessary. All he had to do was pull his arm away.

"And if I say that I do?" He asked stubbornly. Sirius could feel his pulse soaring under his fingertips.

"Then think again," He wrenched his arm free, but his glove came off in Remus's hand.

The prince was quicker than Sirius gave him credit for, before he could respond and hide his hand, Remus had already gasped.

"Was that a," He gaped, snagging his sleeve again, giving Sirius a choice to either let him look or shove him to the ground. The second option was looking to be the answer while the seconds ticked by.

In one fluid motion, he pushed back the sleeve and bared his whole forearm to see in the waning light. It was something that all of the crewmen on La Carbonilla get after they have been in ten battles with other ships. It was an oath to the ship, and it wasn't taken lightly. On the back of his hand lived a five-point nautical star, something innocent enough for any seaman, but stretched on the soft skin of his arm, was  _ La Carbonilla. _ If you were willing to get a known pirate ship tattooed on your arm, it meant that you planned on staying with the boat forever, the risk of getting caught be damned. It was the ultimate promise of loyalty.

_ People have been killed because they've seen  _ La Carbonilla's _ tattoo and might snitch on us to the royal guard _ , Sirius thought for a second, which was ironic because the Prince of England was currently touching the mark on his arm.

"You're a pirate," he said, mouth popped open, caught somewhere between fear and awe.

"Yes," Sirius sighed.

"I kissed a pirate," He whispered to himself. Despite the situation, Sirius grinned.

"I kissed the prince of England. It's been an odd day, to say the least,"

"I'll say," He breathed, Egyptian blue eyes wider than Sirius thought possible.

"Sirius, ya bastard, get goin'! Have ya got it?" Osbert was flying down the steps, hair wild. There were rouge and lipstick smeared all over his face, and there was a gleam in his eye that hadn't been there at the beginning of the heist. He stopped abruptly when he saw Remus.

"SIRIUS! CAPTAIN TOLD YA TO GET THE BLOODY NECKLACE, NOT THE WHOLE DAMN PRINCE!" He roared, shoving Sirius's shoulder.

"I didn't!" Sirius cried, throwing his hands up.

"Are you a pirate too?" Remus marveled, looking at Osbert.

The look on his face would have been hilarious if this hadn't been such a dire situation. 

"YA TOLD HIM?" He bellowed, "WHAT ARE YE? A FUCKING HALF WIT?"

"I didn't tell him, Ozzy, he's not an idiot, he figured it out," Sirius reassured, watching as the old man tipped his head back and said a long prayer.

"I don't care, I really don't. Jus' get on the boat, we've gotta go," Osbert seethed, already walking down the steps.

Before Remus could stop him, Sirius took off across the courtyard after Osbert.

~0~

_ El Capitan _ was definitely not their boat, but the small fishing charter was the best they could do without bringing  _ La Carbonilla _ within a mile of the harbor. It was tiny, and it was leaking all over, spraying Sirius in the face as he hurried down the tiny corridor away from the captain's room. He was angry, but he wasn't going to hang Sirius like he had promised when this had all started. He would just have to be happy with the other baubles that Osbert and Sirius brought.

Sirius shouldn't be this upset. He may not have got the necklace, but he still got out with his head firmly attached to his shoulders and several thousand dollars richer. But it gnawed at him like a stowaway rat, digging at his guts and twisting them up. His new fancy clothes were shed in favor of his familiar seafaring rags, and he angrily ripped the tie from his curly black hair. As he stomped his way across the boat in search of something to wash the taste of champagne from his mouth, a commotion at the docks caught his eye.

"Let me in!" Squawked a dignified voice. "I need to see Sirius, _oh_ _lord_ , _was_ _that_ _a_ _RAT_?"

A surprise was nowhere near an adequate enough word. Sirius grabbed a rope hanging from the mast and hauled himself up to see.

Standing on the docks with a velvet cloak around his shoulders, lantern clasped in his hands like it would keep the pirates from getting any closer, was Remus.

Sirius swung down on the rope, landing with a hard thud on the docks next to his crewman.

"Savage, a puppy followed ya home," someone teased, and he waved them away.

"Remus," He started, staring at the frightened prince. "You can't be here,"

"You forgot your glove," His trembling fingers reached into his pocket and retrieved the white glove. Sirius took it into his now dirtied hands.

"You left your party to come give me my glove? At one in the morning? To a pirate ship?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows at him.

Remus flushed red. "Maybe,"

"Aren't people going to come looking for you?"

"I told Aurelia to tell them that I ran away, and I left a note," he replied sullenly, like a child being scolded.

"You're running away?" Sirius couldn't keep the smirk off his face and the hope from his heart.

"Yes. With a pirate no less,"

"Sounds exciting," His grin grew.

"Oh, wait a moment," He said like an afterthought, handing Sirius the lamp before reaching around the back of his neck. "This ought to change the captain's mind about letting me come along too," He pulled a thin gold chain from around his neck and let it pool into Sirius's palm.

It was  _ the  _ necklace. The roman necklace.

"Do you think that will do it, or will I have to give the rest of my jewelry? Oh wait, you already took it," he gave him a pointed look.

Even if Sirius was ashamed at his ability to pickpocket, (which he wasn't), then the smile would have dissolved from his face, but he didn't know if he could ever shake it.

As expected, the captain was overjoyed. He had been hunting for this particular piece for decades, and he didn't even care that Remus was royalty or that he could have lead the entire British armada to his crew.

And as the sun crept over the horizon, Remus's fingers laced themselves through Sirius's while they stood on the deck of the tiny fishing ship. 

"Remus," Sirius beamed, pride filling his chest as he laid his eyes on the vessel he had called his home for the past six years. "Welcome to La Carbonilla."

~0~

Once upon a time, there was a prince and a pirate. They ruled the high seas like the kings they were destined to be. And even though the pirate took everything that the prince had, he didn't mind. It was made up in full with chests full of Aztec gold and a life full of adventure.

What else could a man ask for other than the love of his life at his side, enough gold to start a nation and nothing but the open ocean ahead of them?

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write a 'fractured fairy tale' for a writing class in high school, and this is what I came up with. I changed the character's names to fit into a fandom and added in the swearing later on because my teacher was super chill and amazing, but she wouldn't have let the 'f' bomb and the inuendos fly as much as I put it in here.  
> I really hope none of you are able to recognize me from this story. Oh well.


End file.
